We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I could make wine with my vomit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize