My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i've created a new STD.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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