I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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