Can i not drive my cunt home
too bad you live with your parents still
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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