: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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