i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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