He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
