dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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