do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
