It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
