im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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