I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
