I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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