Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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