hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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