Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
