I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
God, I missed his penis.
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