Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
