Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
