What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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