So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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