is your mom at the bar?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
