The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
