What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
