the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
