Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
