Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
