Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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