There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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