Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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