and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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