I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
