I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
