I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
