And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The ass gains better be worth it
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