Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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