He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
