That's intense
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
