You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
