Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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