I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
