I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
