There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize