I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
