He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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