The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
