Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
