the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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