if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
