my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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