That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
