HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
