Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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