do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
