I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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