It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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