Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize