dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
