dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
