the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
