I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
