i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
