when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
