just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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