Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
