god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
