NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
