I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
