I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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