Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
